We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
