made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
