if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
