The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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