i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
