she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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