I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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