I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
two words: eviction party
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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