btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Congratulations! We have a period
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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