I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
