Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
