I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
