Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
