Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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