I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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