This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
