i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
