Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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