Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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