remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
