i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
