I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
