Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
