somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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