On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
They took my balls.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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