There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
