Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
