What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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