honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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