Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
