If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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