New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
