Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Randomize
