He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
