I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
