i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
