I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
