you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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