wakey wakey hands off snakey
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
