My nipple is on Facebook.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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