Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
