Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
