Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
