tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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