Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
