Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So apparently I’m into choking now
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
