Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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