I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
