I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
