So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
