I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
