I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
