Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
