yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
