thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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