having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
