I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
