from now on my penis is your penis
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
