I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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