and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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