I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
