help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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