i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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