My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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