I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
