dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
