Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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