Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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